Citroën C5 2.7 HDI V6

The mention of the name "C5" in a vehicular context is unlikely to prompt thoughts of sumptuous ease in anyone who is over 35. Instead, the image that will almost certainly spring to mind is of the Sinclair C5, the 80s electric tricycle that became a comic byword for bad design.

Rest assured, that C5 did not have a back massager, though anyone foolhardy enough to squeeze into one could have done with a little muscular manipulation.

The Citroën C5, by contrast, does have a back massager, as well as heated seats. I didn't realise this on my first drive. Running late to meet a friend, I didn't at first take much notice of the pleasurable warmth around my bottom. Nor did I immediately appreciate the undulating sensation in the small of my back. But gradually I became aware of the rhythmic movement, as it crept up on me like Górecki's Third Symphony or a furtive masseuse. After a while I began to wonder what that dull pressure was on my spine and why my bum was so hot.

Was this it? Was I finally experiencing the nervous breakdown I've spent years working towards? If so, then it was not unpleasant. Indeed, if you were thinking of having a nervous breakdown, I'd recommend the C5 as an ideal venue to ameliorate the harsher physical manifestations of personal crisis.

In fact, once you get used to the slightly odd automatic gear stick, I'd wager that it would be a stiff challenge to crack up in this C5. OK, you've made a mess of your private life, but just feel that smooth leather. Your career is going nowhere. Too bad, but check out the leg room. No one likes you - know that feeling, still, that pneumatic suspension is a joy to behold.

While Francophiles have plenty to choose from among hatchbacks and smaller cars, it's been a while since Citroën produced a classy larger model of any repute. And you'd have to go back all the way to the DS, with its distinctive, long bonnet, to a time when Citroën led the field.

The C5 is a self-conscious attempt to loosen the forearm nelson in which the German motor industry has the higher-end saloon market so effectively locked. Citroën even boasts of its "Teutonic-like levels of quality", which amounts to a public acknowledgment of what the public already believes - that the Germans do it better.

But in this case the French have produced something that in comfort, if perhaps not performance, rivals an Audi or BMW. While it may not possess the iconic appeal of the DS, the C5 is undoubtedly handsome. If that doesn't massage the ego, then just feel what it can do for your back.

Citroën C5 2.7 HDI V6

Price £24,395
Top speed 139mph
Acceleration 0-62 in 9.6 seconds
Average consumption 33.6mpg
CO2 emissions 223g/km
Eco rating 5/10
At the wheel Sebastian Faulks
Bound for The Dordogne
In a word Teutonique